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Wading In…

So: How do you feel about leaving your house? About returning to work? How do you feel about having to find a job? How do you feel about the next few months? How do you feel when you see someone who is not wearing a mask? What about crowds? How big has your personal space bubble gotten?

Many of us feel a level of worry and discomfort. Some of us feel the physical frailty of acute grief. Those of us who have not yet been struck by the virus wonder when it will arrive. Many of us wonder how we will move forward from these unprecedented times. What will that look like?

Remember that Anxiety is our natural resting state. In the March 21, 2020 post “Managing Anxiety and Grief While Sheltering on Place” I wrote about strategies to manage these experiences. Remember that anxiety needs a path of expression.

Most importantly, remember that anxiety is an archaic cue to assess our surroundings for danger and to problem solve potential dangers should they appear on the savanna. Here we are, on the savanna, and we have been reminded that things are not fair, that we can make fabulous choices and still be in distress. Paralysis and Inertia come to visit. How to move forward?

The most important thing I can offer is do your work: assess what is needed and how you will attain it. Assess risk and plan accordingly. And Move Forward. Even if you take small steps, small actions, keep moving forward. Keep taking action that furthers your ability to get what you need whether that is a mask, a job, tools to accomplish the task. Small victories are victories.

Having made your risk assessment and decided that it “makes sense” to move forward, whether by plan or by emergency, Act.

Consider this:

  • Fear is a Liar
  • Doubt your Doubt
  • Flex the Serendipity Muscle

Fear is a Liar: Fear tells us to stay still. It tells us that we are not safe, should not risk, that bad things will happen. If you have assessed the risk and you feel fear, test the fear by talking with trusted people in your life. Let them know what you need, how you think you should move forward and what you fear. Make sure you talk with the realists in your life. Make especially sure that you steer clear of crystal ball gazers. The future hasn’t happened yet. Predictions, while comforting in their certainty, are not good foundations upon which to tread. Fear says do not move; Hope says take a step, just one, and let’s see where what happens.

Doubt your Doubt: Having made a decision to take an action, big or small, we venture out onto the rope bridge of risk. We will doubt ourselves, our vision and our reasoning. Are we surprised? A fact of being human is our inability to see what happens next. Doubt can be crushing. That said, doubt is simply a request to review the logic of the decisions you’ve made. How do you feel about your strategy? Did you get other perspectives by connecting with people whose vision seems trustworthy? When you review the information you have and how you are making choices, are do your choices still make sense? If yes, doubt your doubt and keep moving forward. If not, pause and reflect. Take in the data that suggests there is a better path. And take a step. Just one. Let’s see what happens.

Flex the Serendipity Muscle: Stay open. Look for opportunities. Make connections. Be curious. Allow for the possibility that the next right thing is minutes away. Advocate for yourself [be your best reference]. Be willing to see where you might fit in, what you might offer, where the possibilities are. Stay hopeful. Peek around corners. Take a step. Just one. Let’s see what happens.

Loving on Life’s Terms means staying flexible in our thinking, allowing for a future that is unwritten and has a place for us.

 

 

 

 

August 12, 2020/by Melissa Perrin
https://melissaperrin.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Melissa-Perrin-Psychological-Services-walking.jpg 667 1000 Melissa Perrin /wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Melissa-Perrin-logo.svg Melissa Perrin2020-08-12 06:43:312021-10-14 23:24:31Wading In…
acceptance, attunement, Covid-19, love, Post Traumatic Stress Resilience, Resilience

What was it like?

Welcome to the new normal. So much has happened in our world. What have you attended to? In “Tips to Manage Stress and Potential Trauma” [April 2, 2020] I wrote about the psyche and how we human beings attend to distressing events and strategies used by the psyche to try to manage trauma and anxiety. That post also contains easy to use strategies to navigate, moment by moment, through unprecedented times.

Which ones did you try? What was helpful to you?

The year of 2020, so far, has been rich beyond measure with experiences and stories to tell. What have you learned about yourself? What breadcrumbs did you leave for yourself, what notes did you write about your experiences? I hope you see that you did the best you could, with what you had, with what you knew. If you don’t see that you did the best you could, how can you learn from that? The next time you shelter in place, work an essential job [or see unconscionable behavior] what will you do differently?

You are the Future Self to the you who read that post in April. You are the Future Self who has the knowledge of August 2020 and can look back at you with hindsight and assess what happened [or begin to put some parameters around what was going on]. What do you see? What have you already forgotten? What changed?

I know that there are many who risked and stayed present to the virus. I am awed by the truth that we need each other in order to live well. I am profoundly grateful to the medical community for their courage, knowledge and willingness to attend to the sick and use current and old knowledge to facilitate healing. I am awed by the courage of essential workers and those who kept the world operating. I know that I cannot imagine buying bread at the grocery again for a while. I know that seeing avocados in the produce section assured me the supply and distribution lines were alive and well despite the lack of toilet paper in the paper goods aisle. I know that some of the experiences I needed to heal from in my earlier years prepared me quite well for the work that needed to be done during this time. I appreciated my grandparents and their stories of living through the Great Depression with Hope. I used their strategies. I will continue to use their strategies. I am reminded of the power of community. I am reminded of the power of Voice and Body. I am reminded that we wither when we are not seen.

I cannot wait to see what historians make of this era.

I wonder how you answer some of the questions from “Settling In to the New Time and Space” [March 19, 2020]. Your answers, coupled with the epiphanies you allowed yourself during the last 6 months, offer you an opportunity to create your next chapter. No matter how unsteady or worried you feel, you have much of what you need to move forward. You know so much more about yourself and your circumstances. Choices appear when we have this knowledge.

What [who] did you leave behind in order to Shelter in Place in 2020?

What [Who] did you bring with you in order to Shelter in Place in 2020?

What did you learn?

What have you decided to bring with you into This Place and Time?

August 8, 2020/by Melissa Perrin
/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Melissa-Perrin-logo.svg 0 0 Melissa Perrin /wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Melissa-Perrin-logo.svg Melissa Perrin2020-08-08 16:18:262021-10-14 22:24:44What was it like?
acceptance, attunement, Belonging, love

See, Hear, Touch

The most loving thing we can do for each other right now is see each other, in the fullness of our humanity: of our needs, mortality, limited vision, fear, capacity for love, support and generosity.

Welcome to August 2020 in which living with the spectre of Covid-19 has shifted from  an overreaction to an acute issue; from an acute issue to a chronic issue. A time in which individuals hope to be of value enough to be given 6 feet of space, the courtesy of recognizing shared air and the respect of being there in person. For others, we see the fight to substantiate their wish to control chaos [and stop all of this before things cannot be returned to normal] by refusing to wear a mask over their mouth and their nose.

August 2020 in which living with the awareness of racism and how we treat each other [how we ignore each other, assume you are fine where you are, know you belong there, assume a narrative about each other] both silences us and gives us room to finally proclaim embodied truths, silent rages and full humanity.

August 2020 in which fingernails are barely there as we hang on financially. A time in which we discover the strength of the bumpers of our bowling lanes as we try to stay on course. What can I keep? How do I….? What must I do? Where will I go? How will I do this?

“Here is my story!” we think to ourselves. This is happening to me. This is what I hope I will do with it. This is what I cannot change. This is something that has lain within me for years and I didn’t understand it until this moment in time. This is where my power lies. This is how I am.

We have been shown our priorities: in a moment of choice, a moment of seeing, we suddenly know who we must be with, who we must part from, what must be kept and what must be shed. In an instant.

We have been reminded of our humanity: that death lurks nearby; that touch is essential; that we are cruel; that we are kind; that we must see each other and listen to our stories.

Loving on Life’s Terms means a number of things in this moment. Mostly, today, it means hearing the cries for help, the cries to be seen, the need to matter. It means listening to each other’s stories and asking: And then what happened? Followed by: What do you need? And finally: how can I help [even when my circumstances can’t assist]. This is a moment in time in which our embodied conversation is around the need to survive, the desire to live, and the power of quality of life.  Loving on life terms is listening and thinking through how to live into the next chapter together.

August 4, 2020/1 Comment/by Melissa Perrin
/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Melissa-Perrin-logo.svg 0 0 Melissa Perrin /wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Melissa-Perrin-logo.svg Melissa Perrin2020-08-04 05:05:002021-10-14 22:24:45See, Hear, Touch

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